I grabbed a tiny book from a cozy coffee shop with this title while working at a Faith based coffee shop during my break at work. It caught my eye, because it was shockingly short, but mainly because I see my purity as an act of worship to the Lord…so, I enjoy receiving wisdom in the area of sexual integrity.
As I read what sexual integrity meant and the heavy effects of falling into sin, my heart shriveled up with each turn of the page. Shame and guilt crept up my chest, gradually making its way to my throat. I noticed I started to go “Hulk” with the pages; flipping aggressively while scanning the facts and scriptural truth of the selfishness of sexual impurity. I’m surprised I didn’t rip them out!
Closed the book and sharply inhaled while in deep thought about the roots of my past sinful actions. Thoughts such as “ Gross, why did I do that?!” followed by a flood of I “wishes” stormed in. Wishes such as: “I wish I would have known what pain I would have to live through back then” or “ I wish someone would have told me what I know now about my identity in Jesus Christ.”
As I sat there trying to hold back tears of disappointment, scenes from my past flashed before my eyes. Intimidation began to roar its head chanting: “You’re a dirty rag, no one will ever want you!” and the famous “No wonder you’re single, good luck ever having a family and even if you do “happen” to get married, your marriage will be destroyed by comparison and jealousy and it will all be your fault.” Bleh.
Have you ever had these thoughts?
They are so far from the truth! Romans 8 & 1 Peter 2:9-10 surfaced up as I recited them, choosing to stand firm in its freeing truth. I’m so glad the Holy Spirit reminded me! Because of Christ’s sacrifice, I don’t have to live in shame anymore. In His expressive love, I was chosen on purpose to be apart of his family; and he did this already knowing I would choose instant gratification over him. Drop the mic.
If you are reading this and are struggling with shame and guilt from sexual sins from years ago, last year or even last month, this truth is for you too. Please do not lay down in guilt and shame! Satan is the father of lies. One of his most common ways to destroy those who follow Jesus is to beat them up with shame from past sins, while tempting us to despair to the point of questioning our salvation. And he may even use others to assist. I encourage you to read the scriptures above. Ask Jesus to help you remember truth when the enemy enters in. Continually meditate on how much you are loved and wanted by Jesus. Because you are truly wanted and forgiven.