When you were a kid, did you look at people older than you like they would never leave? Like, the concept of aging didn’t exist and death was something foreign.
Well it was that way for me until five days before my 10th birthday. The most important, valuable and true person left one state and went to another invisible state. My grandfather, who raised me as his own, passed away and I watched the whole process. It feels so fresh as if it happened yesterday, although it was almost 20 years ago. This man was MINE! And I knew for sure I would always be his. I clung onto him every chance I had. I still remember joyfully sniffing and kissing his firm bald head and him sitting there like it was the best thing ever. He was my entire universe and I didn’t anticipate him leaving. Ever. So when he did, I was devastated, confused and mad that God would take him away so quickly.
This morning I was going through a photo album and ran across a picture of grandpa holding my favorite chocolate baby doll (it WAS my favorite, not now of course!). A few tears started to drop and flowed into a bitter waterfall! At first, I was shocked myself thinking ‘Uh it’s been gone a mighty long time for you to be crying so hard’. However, I actually remember parts of that day which made it even harder to look at. I didn’t realize I was still grieving. I miss him more than ever now.
And that’s perfectly fine.
Have you experienced something similar?
Death is extremely hard to deal with and grieving is never fun. Death, it’s such a strange thing and seems to be an enemy of our lives. It snatches up our loved ones and leaves us to suffer with the pain. I’m so glad we have Jesus, our Great High priest who sympathizes with us when we are hurting. Hebrews 4:15 says we can receive mercy and grace in our time of need.
I know, grief can be exhausting and may even usher you into depression and anxiety. It did me. However, please remember you have a God who has told us to cast all of our cares upon Him, for He cares deeply for us (check it out in 1 Peter 5:7). He knows grieving is difficult and wants to carry us through it. Trust Him through the pain- know that nothing is in vain if you’re His child. Romans 8 even tells us that the Holy Spirit will even pray for us when we don’t have the words to say. Plant your feet in the sweet rest He offers. It’s perfectly okay and normal to cry. Let yourself do that. Let yourself grieve, for its a process. Tell Jesus how painful it is to think of past memories and let Him speak comfort to your soul. He delights in the prayers of His kid.